I saw a young man walking down the street recently. He was wearing a T-shirt and shorts and shoes. His T-shirt was un-tucked, much the way I wear my T-shirts. But that’s where our fashion similarities end.
I had to do a double-take because I couldn't’t believe my eyes. Between the bottom of his T-shirt and the top of his shorts was a pair of spindly legs. It was extreme sogginess to be sure; or perhaps a cure for extreme jock itch.
He was also waddling like a duck, or the way a baby walks after he makes a deposit in his diapers. In his defense, though, I’d say that his feet were splayed (with each step, at that!) to prevent his shorts from sliding to his ankles and tripping himself. It’s more of a functionary motion than, say the “Keep on Truckin’” strut, which back in the day, was all form over function.
But the main reason he walked that way is he did not slyly utilize either of his hands to hold the shorts in place. When one’s pants have not a belt, or the appearance thereof, it is proper saggy etiquette to hold up the article of clothing seemingly succumbing to gravity as inconspicuously as possible.
Not this guy. His arms just swung at his side during his effort-ridden attempt at a casual stroll as daylight peeped between his shirt and shorts. It’s difficult to walk with your shorts around your thighs. Really, I felt sorry for the guy. Trying so hard to look cool, yet failing miserably. Unless, the innate struggle to keep covered while sagging is part of the fashion statement’s statement.
I’m very well aware the saggy look is simply a style of some sort. Still, like mood rings, tube tops and Kriss Kross, I just don’t get it. Ok, I got tube tops.Still, I do not think there should be a law to address the saggy situation because I believe you can’t legislate fashion, or willful ignorance of common sense when it comes to dress. Heck, I’m all for mini-skirts and revealing blouses — preferably at the same time.
Anyway, I really couldn’t care less if sagging is based on the dubious rumor of jailhouse attire. No matter where the style came from, quite frankly, it’s utterly ridiculous. I mean, has anyone, like say these guys’ girlfriends, told their guys just how absolutely goofy they look waddling down the street?
Part of me wants to warn these young men that, like over-sized bell bottoms and platform shoes in the days of yore, that one day they’ll realize, too, just how absolutely dim-witted they look. I know, I sound like my dad.
However, despite myself and in an effort to understand, I tried on this post-pubescent fashion statement in the privacy of my own home. My pants on the down low, I walked to and fro, with and without a sly hand. I found it uncomfortable and totally inconvenient. It reminded me of trying to get to the phone (before cell phones) when otherwise preoccupied.
But I did feel a certain swagger as I reached for my cell phone in one pocket and car keys in the other, both relocated around my knees.
I think that everyone in the Delta has observed this "fashion statement" with equal curiosity and disdain. Purple hair...okay, pierced everything... sure it's a statement about your individuality, but who the hell wants to see your underwear?
I too, have observed the"duck-walk" among these fashion-plates in a usually unsuccessful attempt to keep their pants from eventually falling to their ankles. Recently, a young man entered my place of business to request a job application. As he bent over to sign-in, his pants dropped to his ankles. Undisturbed, he continued to sign-in before readjusting his trousers.
How do these buffoons not realize how stupid they look...walking around in public holding their groins in an attempt to keep their pants up? Okay, perhaps it is intended to make a statement about themselves? Well, it does and the statement is, "I am a moron!
Greenville is full of "ghetto-fabulous" citizens who want to make statements, from their custom painted "whoopee-rides" to their stereos blaring obscenities in public places... from their $150 nail jobs clutching EBT cards, to their cultural house color palettes announcing their arrival in your neighborhood!
I am not a fan of stereotypes, but we have all witnessed this fashion faux pas throughout the Delta and it is hard for me to believe that the participants want to be anything other than members of the "gang"!